Amazing

What does this even mean when you live in a foreign country? There is not a guidebook that says "Be prepared, you MAY lock yourself out of your apartment with no cellphone, no money, absolutely nothing and you will need to be creative.... especially on a Sunday when most things are closed. Oh, and there IS NO LOCKSMITH in this country."

Before traveling to Europe, there is a guidebook, or before coming to study abroad, there is a student handbook. Go to this little corner and there is a delicious bakery. Here are the emergency numbers, call ONLY in an emergency. Even one can be prepared, for example, if you have preconceived knowledge. Oh, that bear is coming, Ok, I'll just play dead. Oh, I'm on fire, STOP DROP AND ROLL. Oh, I have work tomorrow and my car doesn't work, I'll just research that in advance. Oh, I need sauce to go with this steak, I need to go to the store before it closes. It tells you, okay, you should do this and you shouldn't do this. I don't recall a chapter saying "If your train is delayed, you miss your connection, and you have your first day of work tomorrow, THIS is what you do...:"

One must ALWAYS be creative and patient. People ask my regularly how I manage in Italy and even specifics. Unfortunately, there is NO secret recipe. You just come here and go for it; it's a free for all. As an American, I may have had ideas about how I wanted to do something, but the following must ALWAYS be considered:
1) Is there a transportation strike?
2) Do I have a bus ticket, and if not, where is the nearest place I can go to get one?
3) Is that store open today?
4) How many different stores do I need to go to before I can accomplish what I need to buy?
5) Am I absolutely sure that this product will do the job for what I need? If not, there is NO ROOM FOR ERROR. Buyer beware, some countries do not have exchange policies.
6) Do I know where this place is? Do I know where I'm going? Even if I know where the place is, am I willing to ask someone to confirm? If I ask someone, is the information they give me going to point me in the right direction?

Before leaving the U.S. to come and do whatever it is that I'm doing here/what I wanted to do here, I had many "ideas" about what I wanted to do, accomplish, etc. Now, after almost 3 years, I can say I accomplished more than my little "to do list" would ever allow me.

My to do list may have of course included the basics for living: find a job, work hard, spend less, go out as often as possible on your budget, learn the transportation system, and learn the language. What I did not expect involves quite a long list of things that even now I am not sure I can explain or write about... or maybe they have now become normal everyday habits that only seem natural to me. If anyone out there is wanting to come to Europe, my advice is this, do enough "homework" to get yourself into the country, but after that.... this is what I have learned:

Creativity:
Things will function very differently from your country to your new chosen place of living. You cannot depend fully on anyone but yourself. Always stay informed or do the best you can.

Language part 1:
A HUGE recommendation I would have is learning the language of the place in which you would like to inhabit. Practice is always necessary, even after you have been living there for a long time, but intense practice before *at least the basics* is fundamental. You learn a great deal from your day to day activities, but when you get the language down as a local, it's a better place to be, believe me. When you learn the language, you understand that there is some logic to the chaos that may surround you. You are able to be the helpful person when there are so many lost people around you. Even if you do not understand why something is not working, on strike, etc, you at least know the current status, and THAT WILL TAKE YOU FAR. It doesn't mean that you will like it, or understand the reasoning, it's just important to be informed.

Language Part 2:
Learn the language so you will not be taken advantage of. This rule has come with a lot of experience unfortunately and fortunately. You get the vibe if someone is just feeding you lines or telling you what's going on. Tell a person it's over there and turn there *because by now YOU are well-informed* or just say "I don't know, I'm sorry, have a good night" and WALK AWAY. Don't linger if someone asks you about yourself, especially if it's night time.

Courtesy:
When you are a foreigner, or even if you aren't a foreigner, people can be rude everywhere. It's possible that maybe your toe has been stepped on and no one says anything. Maybe you could have a laptop, 2 bags of groceries and your purse, (which has now been understood as a small suitcase) on the bus/public transit and no one will give up their seat. But maybe you find that seat all happy and relaxed when you see an elderly person get on the train... give it up or stay where you are... give it up or stay where you are. You could wait a minute before deciding... but at the end of the day, you give up your seat. "Go ahead ma'am." (I can take it, you may mentally say) And the man or woman responds gratefully as if those final steps to the bus may have been their last. It's important to remember that someone is more tired that you are... young or old, again, it's your responsibility to recognize. Even if you are bumped, just turn up that Ipod, look out the window and move on. Don't make a scene. Life is too short. It's difficult, something that I still try and master, but it's important that I'm working on it. There may be, however, times when I'm in line and CLEARLY someone tries to cut me. Luckily knowing the language, I am capable to throw in the line "I got here first, I would like..." It's not as much as the fact that someone cuts me, it's the fact that they think "oh, look at that girl, she won't realize it." When in fact you put your foot down as if to say, "NO. You can wait like the rest of them. Don't take advantage of what you don't know." Doesn't that quote apply to many life lessons.....

LINES:
Be prepared to stand your ground on getting to the front. If you are not in a country where the native tongue is English, one could find difficulty when it comes to waiting in line. It can be more of a mob of people there pushing their way to the front. From an outsider perspective, it appears that: If someone is not paying attention, PASSED. If someone bends down to tie their shoe, PASSED. If you do not have your money ready in your pocket or front pocket, PASSED. If you don't know what you want at the bar or restaurant, PASSED. Judge the situation accordingly and pay attention.

DIRECTIONS:
Know where you are going and where you are. Don't stand around and stare at your map (when it's not even the map of that city) like you have no idea where you are. Stand in a less obvious place with your map. Inform yourself. It is your job and your job alone. Learn the language to distinguish between real and fake. During the day, check the map twice even after you've looked on the Internet. Research where you are going; just because you ask the bar you frequent doesn't mean that they know where it is, nor that you can understand the way they explain it. Stay as informed as possible about transportation strikes. It is still OKAY to ask, just be prepared to differentiate between someone who knows what they're talking about and someone who is just there to shoot the breeze.

PROCESSES:
Be ready that everything will be a process, or a lottery even at that. Maybe the place you go to closes at lunch, but you arrive 30 minutes before closing time... It's already "closed" you should just go back later. Those people could already be mentally at lunch. You may be at the Post Office, but even that is a gamble. If you can't buy a stamp at the coffee bar, or you need to mail a package, this is what you will most likely encounter:
Situation 1:
1)Fantastic, I just arrived, my number is P125 and they're on P130.
Situation 2:
1) I just arrived and my number is P125...
2)Oh wait, they're at P50, guess I'll come back tomorrow, maybe earlier.
Things will most likely take a lot longer to accomplish in your new country. At a later point in time, you may begin to appreciate a certain security in the way things ran in your previous home.

The bottom line of all of this, is to BE PREPARED with patience and creativity. One must always be be ready to challenge and change their way of thinking, but to NEVER FORGET how you thought before. The experiences you have and the things you learn, only 3% of the world will ever understand if you've lived in a foreign country for an extended period of time. One learns more from doing things themselves than from actually depending on the word of someone else. You may get an idea, but you will never understand unless you go through it yourself. Depend on yourself, allow others to help you emotionally. Get support as needed. This is what I have learned ABOVE ALL from living where I do.

Things will not work like they do in your home country. Just go for it and see how it goes. Some people may see this as reckless, thoughtless... or even irresponsible. But if you are at a point in your life where it is okay temporarily to play the "lottery," go for it. This is my advice. Go for it with the intentions of success and failure at the same time. Focus on success but realize that it may just all go down hill and you'll have to be creative, patient, and willing to change your ideas about how you previously lived. Don't listen to negatives and people questioning you. You may not have answers or explanations for what you do, but go ahead and believe in yourself. It's the people who show so much concern that are the ones who help you establish your base for success or fuel your motivation.

Originally published on 21 June 2010. Updated on 13 July 2020